Friday, May 29, 2009

music (part 1)

i am pretty lonely. i try not to show it too often but it's true. and it's not any of your faults, so don't feel bad. it's the natural progression of the post-college lifestyle where people have different priorities and are coming and going. a few of my closest friends recently left pittsburgh for the summer, probably longer, and i'm not taking it well. i have friends around and i'm thankful for them, but the best friend i've had lately has been music.

i expect that this will be the first of many blogs about music because it's such an important part of my life, but tonight i'm just feeling how i fill the voids in my life with music. i know that as a christian i should be filling those voids with God, and i am working on doing that, but in the meantime i like to think that God's provided music for me to enjoy for now.

the last few days i've felt especially lonely and empty, mostly because my job is no longer very enjoyable, and tonight i came home and played drums. i was getting antsy where i was this evening because i really just wanted to come home and wail on my kit. and i did. i am really thankful for parents who let me play as loud as i can at 11:30. but i had the song "beating heart baby" by head automatica stuck in my head all night (thanks monica) and i just had to come home and play it. the song just made me feel alive. and when i made the key hits at the right time, it almost brought me to tears because i felt so overwhelmed by music.

sometimes there are just songs that fit the mood. or brighten the mood. when i'm feeling depressed on my way to work i like to put on "at the beach" by the avett brothers. there's no song that makes me feel better like that one. it's upbeat, it's meaningful, it's simple, it'll get stuck in my head all day. there's nothing like getting a good song stuck in your head all day. but when i sit down and play that tune on guitar it just feels amazing. to hear your favorite song recreated by your own hands is an unbelieveable feeling.

a friend of mine got his hands on audio bootlegs of 30 live avett brothers shows. when i stayed at his place that week we just sat in his living room, drank some beer, and listened. i'd relive that evening over and over if i could. there's nothing i do more than listen to music, except breathe. we listened to a show that we both attended at the kent stage in kent, oh. i always say that listening to songs helps me relive the drama of seeing the song played live, but it's a completely different level when you actually hear the performance again. the chills are there. the excitement is there. the anticipation of "what song is next?" is there. that's the feeling i'm looking for in my everyday life and music is what provides it.

i know that resolving an issue in my life with a real conversation with a real person can't be replaced, but sometimes i really feel like i can keep on going with just a tune in my speakers. when i'm feeling like the world is against me, no one cures my land-locked blues like bright eyes. when i want to share my simple joy with people, no band can match the avett brothers' insight. when i'm feeling energized, squad five-o knows how to let it loose. and sometimes having a conversation about something doesn't get the feelings out like sitting on the throne of my old $250 used ludwig set.

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