Monday, May 24, 2010

new direction

i don't like the way this blog is going. my thoughts have been well and good, but sometimes i think i'm writing a blog just to write a blog. when i first started writing in this thing i had something to say. i wasn't writing just to write, i was writing to share thoughts that seemed worth sharing. lately, though, i'm not sure my thoughts have been worth sharing. not my public ones, at least.

so i'm taking a break. last summer i intended to "find myself", which i think i did. by the end of the summer of 2009 i was living in pittsburgh again, back in school, and restarting. i've had almost a year back in the city now and i'm staring in the face of my first summer of living in the city. thoughts and ideas will come and go this summer, but i'm not going to share them here. i'm taking the summer off from blogging.

this summer i'm looking to refresh.

i wrote a few months ago about my interest in becoming disconnected. technology has left us all with cell phones to instantly connect to one another, and half of us with the internet available on those same devices. facebook has managed to manufacture relationships while keeping you "in touch" with friends you weren't sure you ever had. well, now it's time to take some steps toward disconnection. i thought about deleting my facebook, but i'll just avoid it instead. after all, it's a useful mode of communication when necessary. same with email. but this blog has become simply a forum for me to talk and for you to listen. my thoughts haven't been interesting enough for me to continue.

so this summer i'm going to journal, paint, write songs, play music, experience art, read, and interact. this summer is about getting back down to basics and remembering who i am and where i'm going. i'm riding a bike for most of my sunny day transportation. i'm making time to journal and read the Bible. i'm hitting the refresh button. that's what this summer is about for me. i hope to see you along the way.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

one goal

i am small. i am one small person in a very, very large world. i live a very small, insignificant life. i am just one small person.

sometimes this is how i feel. sure, it's a small world; like when you happen to have a mutual acquaintance with someone. but it's a large world, for real. we live in a tiny, insignificant group of united states of america. we may think that the world revolves around us, but it doesn't. at the very least, think about the fact that the most popular sport in the world (soccer) will have a world cup this summer and the united states will not win it. pretty bold to make a definitive statement, but the usa simply does not accel at the world's sport. so there, the usa is not significant.

getting back to you and me. mostly me. i'm small. i am not much in this world. my life doesn't mean much. the most important thing in my life tomorrow is making enough money (X) to get by for the week. i have to make Y this week, so as long as i make X tomorrow i should be fine. but if i don't make X tomorrow, the world won't end. i'll come home, have a tuna melt, a salad, and maybe a beer, and call it a day. it will be a good day. my bills will get paid, my stomach will be fed, and i'll live to fight another day.

my problems are insignificant. i have no one to concern myself with besides myself. i have family and friends who love me. if i really need money, i can get it. that's not a big deal. if i get stiffed on a tip, whatever. things will work themselves out.

how can i live in this way? well, i'll tell you. the most important thing i'll do on any give day has little to do with the job i go to, the studying i complete, or even the friends i encounter. it has very little to do with grocery shopping, bill-paying, or errand-running. no, the most important thing i do comes at the end of the day (and i'm not talking about my daily 8 hours of sleep). at the end of the day i'll read part of david crowder's "praise habit" book or something related to it. i'll read a psalm from that book, or maybe a different version of the psalm i'm on, or maybe the chapter in the book associated with that psalm. what's most important about this act is not even the psalm, but the meaning behind it.

God loves me. God loves me so much that He sent His only Son to die for me! what! how could any being do that? sending His son to make this ultimate sacrifice. it's truth, though. these psalms are in celebration of God's love for me. for us. these psalms are a constant reminder of this neverending love. at the very bottom of everything, God loves me. that is more important than money, friends, status, or objects.

tomorrow i have two things to do. one is to enjoy every minute as much as possible. the other is to make disciples of all nations. thanks to the love God has shown me, i can accomplish both of these things with one simple act; to love all people.

"stars" - david crowder band