timing

sometimes i like to think of my life as a movie. a slow-progressing, often boring, usually only comedic to a certain demographic, movie. today seemed like just another day in the developing story of my life. i thought about this as i walked in to the olive garden from my car after a short break between serving and hosting. i chewed my gum, tightened up my previously loose tie, ran my hand through my disheveled hair, thought about how this day could possibly be significant in my life. and then i realized that this day happened in a way that exactly pertained to the story of my life.

in a few weeks i won't be able to remember any details about this day. i worked, made an insignificant amount of tips, had no particularly interesting interactions (except a gray-haired lady telling me that she's had everything on the f-ing menu), came home and watched tv. it wasn't a memorable day. but as my life continues i can see that my timing is slightly different than God's timing. i frequently think about how i am ready for something big to happen in my life. i suppose the "something big" is landing a job that will allow me to move back to the city or start a new relationship of some sort or finally write that song that i can deem worthy of taking to an open mic. but the fact is that i may not be ready for those things and God knows it.

the clearest example of God setting me up with exactly what i needed rather than exactly what i wanted came in this past year and has resulted in where i am today. this time last year i was interviewing for youth ministry jobs because that's where i felt i was being called. i had interviews with three different churches; one full-time position in trafford, one full-time position in robinson, and one part-time position in mars. as i evaluated the situations (location, potential salaries, church beliefs, overall situation) i had decided that the church in trafford would be awesome because i'd be offered to live in the house next door to the church (short commute), i'd live far enough away from home to be independent but close enough to still see my family. the same situation would happen in robinson except i'd be in a more affluent area but without the housing option. and finally the part-time job in mars was closest to my home so i could save money by living with my parents.

to make a long story short, the churches in trafford and robinson went in different directions and i convinced myself that the church in mars was the right fit, which it seemed to be at the time. shortening the story again, i quickly learned that i did not have a heart for working in a church as the youth minister. since the job was part-time, i already picked up another job at the olive garden. as i left the church i was left in an advantageous situation; living at home and already having another job to fall back on (two things that would not have been available at the other churches).

so here i am, still working at the olive garden, wondering when i'll get to "move on" to something better. well, i think i've finally realized that God will give me the opportunities i'm ready for when i'm ready for them. i haven't dated anyone in two years because i haven't been in a strong enough mindset to take on someone else in my life. i haven't been handed a job in pittsburgh because i'm not supposed to have moved out yet. and once those sort of "big things" start happening in my life, it'll make sense. it'll be the right time and place and a lot of things will make sense. for right now i'll have to be satisfied knowing that i have no idea what's going to happen or when, just that when it does happen it'll be right. it'll be divine.