Control

Today I woke up late for worship practice before church. I felt pretty bad when I realized that I hadn't set an alarm at all in my haste the previous night. I returned home late and knew I'd be running on six hours of sleep and a few cups of coffee to get me through the morning. I quickly gathered my things, threw on the clothes from the previous night, and rolled in to practice about 45 minutes late. We ran through the songs we'd done on Thursday, got our bearings under us, and played pretty well at the services, considering.

When I awoke to see that I'd risen an hour later than planned, I realized I had lost control. When that realization was made, I had no option but to move forward given the circumstances. I made a mistake and had no way to make up for it. What was done was done. I couldn't go back in time. No use crying over spilled milk. I was upset that I had let down my bandmates by showing up late, but the icing on the cake was really that I had lost control. I wanted to be in charge of the timing of my day, but instead was thrown a curveball by my own unattentiveness.

As humans, we crave control. We want to know exactly what is happening to us all the time. We want the perfect job, a cool and reliable car, the latest technology, the ideal spouse, and we want them when we want them. Plenty of time is spent considering how to acquire these things. We research purchases online. We envision what that spouse will be like. We search our network for just the right connection to get us ahead. I've spent plenty of time in my life doing research for these things that I desire.

These things are what keep us separate from Jesus. Society tells us that we're responsible for our own successes and failures. We have no one to congratulate or blame but ourselves. Christianity is a difficult concept for us to accept because it goes against this principle. Jesus already has washed us clean with His blood. God sees us through the lens of Jesus and not through the mistakes we've made.

When I attempt to be successful outside of Jesus, I fail. If I somehow do not fail, then I certainly feel an emptiness. That's because God has created us to seek Him. He wants us to live in his strength. He wants us to ask him for the ability to succeed and accept His forgiveness. We live in a society that tells us we must accomplish on our own, when, in fact, we can only accomplish through Christ.