a better man

today was a very reflective day. i realized how absent-minded and misguided i am sometimes in remembering assignments that i had to do and prescriptions that i need filled at the last minute. some of the simplest tasks, like paying 50 cents and making a cup of coffee, became incredibly difficult for my brain to focus on. the day was a wash in terms of accomplishing what i wanted to accomplish, so here i sit at 11pm still just letting my mind wander rather than do anything productive.

today is a day where i get to the end of the day and still realize that things are very day-to-day for me. i'm in a grad program that i like, but i'm not super-stoked to get out and study and learn about higher ed management. i have a job that pays the bills, but i don't particularly care for. i have a lot more free time on my hands than my friends, but i still don't have enough to accomplish what i want to accomplish during the day. i just want to spend the day playing guitar, reading, writing, and having fun. i guess that's too much to ask after you graduate college, but is it? it depresses me to think that we can be limited in the things we really want to do by society telling us we need a job and a degree and to clean our house and mow the grass and blah blah blah. by the time we perform daily maintenance on our life, the day is over.

but maybe living life day-to-day isn't such a bad thing. why spend so much time worrying about what's going to happen in the future when you don't even know if the future will come? i guess that brings me to the point that life is just a series of events, moments in time that we have the chance to do something great; to leave a legacy. a moment comes and then it's gone, it doesn't wait for very long for you to decide the difference between right and wrong. before you know it, time has passed and you've just been sitting around thinking about it instead of living it.

i wanted to write a new years resolution blog last month, but never got to it. i don't really have any resolutions that i wouldn't want to uphold constantly, anyways. i want to be a better man than i was at the beginning of the year. in 2009 i made a lot of mistakes. i took a lot of chances. i made some important decisions. i hurt some people, but helped some others. i did a lot of selfish things, but i also did a lot of selfless things. i experienced a lot of moments, lived in them, reacted to them, and at the end of the day i'm a better man in 2010 than i was in 2009 because of it. that's really all i want, and that's really all we can strive for.