lately all i've been thinking about is the transitional period i'm experiencing in my life. i've immersed myself into a position where i have graduated from college and am awaiting the start of grad school. i'm living at home and trying to pay my bills. my career hasn't started, but i don't feel completely comfortable with where i'm at because almost all of my friends are either in school or into a full time job. i've learned to live my life day-to-day and just enjoy things as they come, but that is about to become more difficult as another transition happens with many of my close friends graduating and/or leaving pittsburgh.
for being a pretty friendly person i think i have a fairly unique approach and thought process when it comes to my relationships with others. since about junior high i tend to guard myself from relying on others. when i was younger i felt let down and sometimes betrayed by people who i thought i'd become close friends with, so from that young age i decided that the only person i could rely on was myself. and that has stood true in my life through today, in a way.
i value friendships. no matter what you read in this post just know that i do value my close friends. i simply have found that i don't maintain "best" friends like other people might. i try not to get too attached to anyone in particular because i know that they're going to make decisions for themselves and that i might not be able to rely on them 100% of the time. that might sound like i don't have faith in people, but the truth is that i don't want to feel let down or sad when someone doesn't do what i hope they'd do all the time. i feel like this disconnection allows me to be more independent in my decisions as well.
that all being said, i feel like i don't end up with any "best" friend(s) but rather a large group of people who i'd consider my closest friends. and here i am writing because i have allowed myself to get close enough to a group of people that i will be pretty sad when they are no longer in my life as frequently as they have been the last couple of years.
we grow up, our lives change, our priorities change, and we have to adjust. this isn't the end of friendships, but rather the turning of a page and the start of a new chapter. new friendships will come from new endeavors. other friendships will become closer as a result of proximity. some friendships may dwindle for the same reason. but the closest ones will maintain. i'm interested to see who will be my closest friends this time next year and how my life will have changed.
thankfully one thing that can't be taken away is the memories. no matter what, i'll always be able to remember riding bikes from south oakland to centre plaza with mike and andy in freezing temperatures just to hang out for a few hours. i'll remember the walks to the south side to catch monday movies last summer. i'll remember the first and second hamloaf breakfasts. and that's only the start.
i didn't mean for this to be written to a specific group of people, but i do want to thank those of you who are leaving pittsburgh soon because you've changed my life. i've opened myself up to close friendships again and i consider you all my best friends. but we won't be saying "goodbye" as much as "see you soon".
I know how you're feeling, to some extent at least. When I went to school in Ohio, over four years, I basically lost contact with anyone from my high school years, aside from maybe one night of hanging out over break. But I developed a lot of solid friendships at Cedarville because of it. Then, I took a job in another part of Ohio, where I only knew one guy. Most of the close relationships from school faded, but I became really tight with Ben in Findlay, and developed a few more good friends while there. Now that I'm back in PA, it's another cycle - I'm able to become closer to people who previously were just acquaintances, and at the same time, some of them are moving on. Probably the best part is that with the internet these days, it's a lot easier to keep in touch, even if it's as superficial as the occasional facebook comment. I'm not as close to people like Asa and Benny B as you are, but I'm still going to miss the crazy antics that come when hanging out with them.
ReplyDeleteAs for the school/career limbo, don't think that those of us with "real jobs" have it all figured out. I (usually) like what I do, but I also often wonder what would've happened (or still could) if I pursued something less reliable, but with potential to be more fulfilling... like full-time music. It's hard to know if you're pursuing the right path, and harder still to take a leap of faith, give up the comfort and mediocrity, and go for the best things.
Whoo, I just got all rambly one someone else's blog!