Control

Today I woke up late for worship practice before church. I felt pretty bad when I realized that I hadn't set an alarm at all in my haste the previous night. I returned home late and knew I'd be running on six hours of sleep and a few cups of coffee to get me through the morning. I quickly gathered my things, threw on the clothes from the previous night, and rolled in to practice about 45 minutes late. We ran through the songs we'd done on Thursday, got our bearings under us, and played pretty well at the services, considering.

When I awoke to see that I'd risen an hour later than planned, I realized I had lost control. When that realization was made, I had no option but to move forward given the circumstances. I made a mistake and had no way to make up for it. What was done was done. I couldn't go back in time. No use crying over spilled milk. I was upset that I had let down my bandmates by showing up late, but the icing on the cake was really that I had lost control. I wanted to be in charge of the timing of my day, but instead was thrown a curveball by my own unattentiveness.

As humans, we crave control. We want to know exactly what is happening to us all the time. We want the perfect job, a cool and reliable car, the latest technology, the ideal spouse, and we want them when we want them. Plenty of time is spent considering how to acquire these things. We research purchases online. We envision what that spouse will be like. We search our network for just the right connection to get us ahead. I've spent plenty of time in my life doing research for these things that I desire.

These things are what keep us separate from Jesus. Society tells us that we're responsible for our own successes and failures. We have no one to congratulate or blame but ourselves. Christianity is a difficult concept for us to accept because it goes against this principle. Jesus already has washed us clean with His blood. God sees us through the lens of Jesus and not through the mistakes we've made.

When I attempt to be successful outside of Jesus, I fail. If I somehow do not fail, then I certainly feel an emptiness. That's because God has created us to seek Him. He wants us to live in his strength. He wants us to ask him for the ability to succeed and accept His forgiveness. We live in a society that tells us we must accomplish on our own, when, in fact, we can only accomplish through Christ.

Great Expectations

A friend asked how I'm doing and I began explaining that I'm in the mood to read and play music a lot, realizing that this has been an ongoing struggle. I deactivated Facebook, refused to get cable in my new apartment, and am considering ditching the internet at home or on my phone. These things are all such distractions.

This is your turn to keep me accountable. I picked up Great Expectations and am intending to read more so I can get my creative juices flowing. The opportunity is here to write songs and play at open mics, see shows and review bands for Ear to the Ground Music, or even start writing prose again and publish a little something in the UW Tacoma literary publication, Tahoma West.

The time is now. Facebook is gone for a bit; hopefully a long while. Genuine human interactions and real, valuable alone time is in the horizon. Hopefully creation follows. Check back soon.

Stories

Thanks to inspiration from my good friend, Joe, and my favorite authors, Donald Miller and Bob Goff, I've learned something in my short time in western Washington; I value people's stories. To really know someone, you have to know where they've come from, where they're going, and what their motivation is in between. These questions about what I "do" (for work) don't really do it for me.

A good friend and pastor at Soma once described the difference between the east and west coast in this way; people on the east coast aren't polite but they're friendly while people on the west coast are polite but they're not friendly.

Read that again for clarification. What Abe meant was that people on the west coast (specifically the northwest) want to make people feel comfortable and respected. People you meet rarely make polarizing statements that could be disrespectful or offensive to our opinions. Baristas and cashiers greet you and ask how your day is going. The first time this happened I was very confused but ultimately enjoyed the politeness. The barista takes me order, runs my credit card, and asks how my day is. I was caught off guard. Why do you want to know how my day is? Are you taking some kind of survey? Did my boss put you up to this?

People on the east coast don't do that. When you order a sandwich at Primanti's in Pittsbugh, for example, you tell them what sandwich and that's it. No questions. Hopefully no adjustments (No cole slaw? No tomatoes? Go make your own.) Rude, maybe, but efficient. They don't care how your day is; they care what sandwich to make for you.

This happened quite a bit of times and I realized the other half of Abe's statement. Yes, PNWers are polite and make me feel like I'm cared for in those small talk situations, but they're not as friendly as east coast folks. The same service people would ask small talk questions over and over without making any allusions that they remembered who I was. Friends that I was meeting would keep it to surface-level small talk like "How's work?" or "How are you enjoying Washington?". Work is work. I go, I do things, I go home. Every two weeks I get paid for those things I'm doing. Washington? The music is great and the weather sucks. Usually the former outweighs the latter, which has worked out pretty well.

You see, people on the east coast want to know those stories. We ask tough questions. We engage in controversial discussions. When we disagree, we disagree hard. When we agree, we give high-fives and buy people drinks. When we like people, we like them a lot and spend time with them. When we don't like people, we generally disengage with them and let sleeping dogs lie. It's cool because those people we don't like will find friends more like them. Unless they're jerks.

The thing is, Joe (native of Ohio) pointed out that people don't ask others about their stories out here. They seem disengaged. They don't want to know the details of our lives. They have surface-level friendships. I don't mean to say this happens with everyone, but it certainly happens with a lot of folks. I want to feel cared for by friends and acquaintances who may become friends.

A true friend knows what makes their friends tick. They can tell when they're in a good or bad mood. They identify with who they've been, who they are, and who they'd like to be. They ask tough questions. When my ex-girlfriend and I broke up, people were afraid to ask questions. The ones that did ask questions, though, were the ones who helped me to process my thoughts and feelings and, ultimately, move on fairly smoothly. Friends are there to talk about difficult things.

So what does this mean? Well, in the grand scheme, it means that I'll probably engage people in who they are more than what they do. Practically, this means that I'll be asking people more about their stories and determine what part I play in it.

"I used to think I needed to record stories, but now I know I need to engage them." - Bob Goff, Love Does

Where the Heart Is

This journey in the Northwest has been a fruitful one. I honestly cannot stress how important, exciting, challenging, and wonderful it's been to leave home and live in a new place. There are certainly days that I miss the old ways and comfort of who I was in Pittsburgh, but over the last month or so I have had the opportunity to really embrace life in Washington. While I certainly questioned God's plan several times over the last 8 months, I knew for a fact that I was brought here for a reason and am thankful for seeing that more clearly every day.

I'll warn that this post will be scattered. There have just been signs of Seattle/Tacoma becoming home over the last few weeks. Spending intentional time with good friends, playing music, seeing live music, enjoying work, having real impact on students' lives, finding a new apartment, and simply enjoying a new chapter of life has been a real blessing. The weather has been amazing recently, which has helped to enjoy getting out and riding my bike around town.

In talking to my friend, Dana, who is visiting from Pittsburgh, I made the realization that even though I'm living 3000 miles away from home I've essentially found a way to continue life the way that it was except with new people and places. I still go to shows, drink PBR at dive bars, and journal in coffee shops. The difference is that everyone does that here, too! Shows are abundant. 

There is always good music to be seen and heard. Last night we saw a show in Tacoma (Ages and Ages, The Local Strangers, and James Apollo) and today we saw a free in-store performance in Seattle (Barcelona). Local bands playing local venues, except that these bands are fantastic. Don't get me wrong, there are some great bands in Pittsburgh (New Shouts and The Whiskey Holler, to name a couple), but there are just SO many great bands between Portland and Seattle. And the play these towns a LOT. 

For this reason, Seattle is exactly what I was hoping for. For this reason, I cannot imagine leaving any time soon. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I'm thankful to feel so thankful to be here that leaving soon is no longer on the horizon. There were certainly times when I thought about leaving after this year or next year, but I am starting to reach a place where Tacoma is becoming home too much for me to really want to leave soon. For this, I thank God.

Oh, What the Sun Can Do...

Today is a beautiful day in Seattle! It's days like these that help me to remember why I moved to Washington in the first place. When I visited Seattle in the summer of 2009, I knew that the sun and clear skies were not the norm of the Pacific Northwest, but it still roped me in. Walking through Pike Place Market then was just as beautiful as it is today.

I realize now that I never really wrote in this blog about that trip. I came to Seattle with one of my best friends, Scott "Tiger" Kelly, to visit our recently-married friends, Jenn and Ron. The trip was right before I started graduate school at Pitt, so it was the transition into a new chapter in my life. I began writing in my favorite journal during that trip, which I filled up over the course of a year, so my thoughts that week remained mostly private. The NW provided a new perspective, a new place, possibilities. When I returned home from that trip, I knew I wanted to head west someday.

It's been pretty surprising that heading west happened so soon. When I left Seattle in 2009, I felt like I would finish my graduate program and relocate here. I really thought I'd wimp out and stay in Pittsburgh, yet here I am sitting in a coffee shop in Ballard, listening to the Pirates game online, thinking about how this is close to home now. Not close enough, though, because I certainly prefer Seattle to my actually home of Tacoma.

Tacoma is blue collar and reminds me of where I've come from in Beaver County. For that reason, though, it's unsettling. Walking down 6th Avenue on a weekend night or having to shop in the Tacoma Mall reminds me so much of Beaver County that it feels like I've never left, in a lot of ways. My experience in Tacoma is a lot like how I would feel if I lived in Beaver County again now. Satisfied with some good people around and a lower price tag than the nearby metropolis, but still not exactly in the center of the action like I'd want to be. Living in Seattle is not a feasible option, so I don't dwell on it much. But I do think this adventure would have a different feel if I were living here.

In the end, though, it's all about perspective. The sun is shining today and I would love being anywhere with weather like this. I love spending days like this walking around with Sam (and, this weekend, her BFF Emily), but I'd probably enjoy this relaxing Saturday with her anywhere that it's sunny. My perspective is different today because the sun is shining on everything we see.

That's the way things should be with Jesus in our hearts. When we remember God's love in our life, everything feels sunny. My life so far from home often gives me significant homesickness, but I do acknowledge that God brought me here. Through a serendipitous series of events, I landed in Tacoma without having experienced much anxiety during my job search this past summer. This was God-driven, which gives me peace.


Tomorrow we celebrate the resurrection of Christ on Easter. Christ's love reminds us that even though death appeared to have won at one point, life and love do eventually prevail. Christ will overcome death on Easter. Sunny days are ahead.

2012 Pittsburgh Pirates, At-a-Glance

For the superstitious one still existing in my brain, I'm hoping a different home for me means a different result for my beloved Pittsburgh Pirates.

Opening Day is certainly still a holiday for Pittsburghers without any particular reason why. The team has been bad for years and doesn't seem to be turning the corner hard enough to think this year will be significantly different. The difference this year? They know what it feels like. A division lead in July was a real thing last year. One friend of mine suggested he'd buy my plane ticket home for the NLCS if the Bucs got there. Those sort of conversations were really happening last summer. Pittsburgh reminded the league that they're a baseball town. I'm no expert, but let me get into my thoughts on this season.

You could easily consult Joe Starkey or Dejan Kovacevic to reference the stats, the scores, the streak, the reasons why the Pirates will or won't succeed this year. That's not really my gig. However, I will consult some facts. The Pirates have a superstar in Andrew McCutchen. He's a strong defensive CF with some power and a lot of speed. He's young and becoming more disciplined. That could be said of several other important players, like Alex Presley, Jose Tabata, and Neil Walker. Those four together give Pirates fans hope of an entertaining day at the ballpark every day.

Pitching? It was a lot better last year. Karstens, McDonald, Correia and Morton showed some promise that showed their potential. Add the injury-prone Erik Bedard and the currently-injured AJ Burnett and the Pirates rotation has some more depth and promise than it has had in recent memory. I've been one to suggest the Pirates have needed a veteran, like Burnett, to join the team with some experience in winning (World Series with the Yankees), so his leadership in that rotation should show as the year goes on. The bullpen is also pretty talented, led by Joel Hanrahan.

So there are some things that are promising. I won't pull out the numbers because I just don't have time, but I'll say the Pirates will flirt with .500 this year. I don't see them breaking it yet, but if some things fall into place, like Pedro Alvarez erasing his abysmal Spring Training or AJ Burnett regaining his top-of-the-rotation form in a low-pressure environment, then they could easily compete with a weaker NL Central. The 1997 Freak Show Pirates didn't have as much promise as this team and they came close to breaking the streak (79-83, 5 GB in the divison). With that in mind, anything can happen. Let's go Bucs.

6 Months In

I've had a lot of thoughts of how to write this half-year update since my 6-month mark in Tacoma hit at the beginning of March. As far as a quick overall update for those of you I don't keep in touch with much, I'll hit on several things while giving a commentary. So here we go!

Things in Tacoma, WA, have been overall good. Life has been more difficult than ever at times, fulfilling at many other times, and completely confusing almost all of the time. I've been extremely homesick at times, but overall this experience has been completely necessary. I lived in Pittsburgh for the first 26 years of my life and loved it. I still love Pittsburgh, but possibly more than ever now that I've been away. I needed a refresher and some time away from what had become an infinite norm of life in my hometown, so my experience in WA has been fruitful to remind me of where I've come from, if nothing else.

My job has simply been amazing and I'm certainly not just saying that because I think my co-workers or students will be reading. In short, I have amazing colleagues who are a joy to work with, an incredible supervisor who is gracious and supportive, an amount of autonomy that I didn't think would be possible in my first job, and a fun group of students who are around a lot and keep the job interesting. My job is Career Development Specialist at UW Tacoma and I'm basically the only person doing career services at UWT. I am in charge of everything including meeting with students, giving presentations, communicating with employers, operating the career fair, etc. I am fully in charge of determining the direction of career development at UWT. The possibilities are endless. I'm essentially in an Assistant Director position for my entry-level job. I wouldn't trade this career move for anything I interviewed for last summer. This level of independence and variety is the exact reason that I know my move to Tacoma has been the right one.

Church life has been developing. I reached out and met a bunch of people at Soma Communities right when I arrived. At times Soma has felt like a great fit, at other times not as great, but it's been important for me to avoid comparing with the Open Door, which really showed me what it meant to be a church. For that, I commend John and BJ's work.

Life in general in Tacoma is difficult at times. While I've met a few groups of people with whom I spend good time, I definitely miss my friends most of all. I don't have a go-to person with whom to watch Pitt games, go to shows, or just sit and talk about our Christian lives. While I appreciate the people I've found to do these things with, I certainly miss my close friends in Pittsburgh. I miss living with very close friends, playing music at church, and doing simple things like sharing meals or playing ultimate frisbee while having in-depth discussions.

The people of the Northwest come off as friendly and inviting, but there is certainly a barrier that is up between you and a new person. It's hard to get into deep conversations with people because they like to keep their guard up and not let you into their lives as quickly as people from the East Coast. As someone who opens up quickly and frequently, it's been difficult to become friends with people who don't open up as easily. Walls break down, though, and I expect that things will change with time.

Tacoma doesn't have a lot going on, in my opinion. For a similar cost of living as Pittsburgh, it certainly lacks many of the amenities. Pittsburgh's unique neighborhoods are not rivaled here. The best touring bands go to Seattle instead of Tacoma, which can be a bother on nights when driving 45 minutes to and from an event doesn't seem logical. Seattle's cost of living is too high to justify, so living in the midst of the action isn't as easy an option here as it is in Pittsburgh. That won't change, but I know I need to do my best to make this place interesting on my own.

I've also been dating a really amazing girl, Sam, who I met through mutual friends. She went to Geneva, is from Lancaster, and is doing an internship at World Vision, so it's been great to go through this difficult time of transition with someone who shares a lot of my growth away from home. She's likely to be heading home after the internship is over in July, so I'm excited to see what God does with our relationship moving forward.

I'm trying to keep it brief, so I'll wrap it up. I'm definitely planning on being in Tacoma for 2-3 years at least while I develop my career options. The longer I'm here, the more valuable experience I'll build before looking for my next job. The next move feels like Pittsburgh, but a lot can change in the course of another year or two. In the end, though, God has a plan that I'll learn when I'm supposed to. So, there's no telling when or where the next chapter might start. Although, on an adventure like this, it feels like a new chapter starts every day.